Keep on growing
Wisdom helps us understand
We're maturing
Without knowing
These are the things that change boys to men
~ New Edition
One of my favorite songs from the R&B male group New Edition is the inspirational song "Boys to Men". This song is befitting in addressing the problems with our young black men, which also stem outside of the classroom as well. They are lost and desperately need to be found.
So, via Facebook, I asked several of my black male friends, who are all college graduates, to share their wisdom and personal stories. Some responded in a narrative; others kept it simple by focusing on these three central questions I posed to all of them:
- Who were your role models growing up?
- What were your sources of motivation to succeed?
- What can be done to fix these problems with our young brothers in our schools and in our communities?
To be honest I am not going to be much help on this one. I had a father that enrolled me in Boy Scouts and worked hard to move us in a house and out the projects. Most of these kids don’t have a father. Single mothers are raising dumb future criminals who hate themselves while raising daughters that go on to college. Also I grew marked as a gifted child and taken out of mainstream education system from second grade. I have never been in an average public school. Our teachers all thought we had bright futures and treated us as such. I see why these kids don’t want to go to school. What do they really have to look forward to if they graduate? Guess my answer is condoms and a good jump shot.
PS We always want to talk about the plight of black children and the missing fathers. We are never going to get anywhere until we address the black women in our communities that pick dead beats to have babies with, mess up their boys’ heads, and look out for the sisters and not the whole race. It was said that you can measure the character of the race when you look at the morality of its women. Many times you if you bring it up they act sisters are a protected class of people. Time to hold them accountable for their share of the mess.
V. Callender, Brooklyn, NY
My parents always raised me to want more and exposed me to a higher standard of living. And going to college and always having some form of income was something I was always told I had to do. My parents accepted no less.
J. Peoples, Murfreesboro, TN
I grew up without a father in the household. My mom was an educator who instilled in me, the necessity of a good education. My motivation was to not be like my family members who lived in low income communities and who relied on government assistance. I grew up in a rural area where there was nothing for the youth to do. So another strong motivation for me was to get far away from that area. The youth of today has to see the benefit of getting a good education, and they have to be taught that they can obtain it as well regardless of their living situation. They need to see more positive successful black men, who have made it out of low income neighborhoods, and hear their personal stories and testimonies. We have to show them that reality is not the raps stars or drug dealers, but it’s those who are teachers, lawyers, doctors etc. We must instill in the youth a hard work ethic, and a tenacious spirit for quitting is not an option. We must challenge these young parents to get these kids from sitting in front of the TV 24/7 and put a book in their hand. Reading is essential. We must teach our children how to communicate and speak properly and not just slang or Ebonics. If we are ever going to take back our communities, and school systems we must have a village mentality in my opinion. Last but not least I believe some spiritual foundation is essential! Hope this helps.
A. Mercer, Temple Hills, MD
Who were your role models growing up? My father, grandfathers and uncles.
What were your sources of motivation to succeed? 9/10's of my motivation was due to positive encouragement from family, friends, educators, etc... The other 1/10 remains, and continues to be, the haters. Keeps things in perspective.
What can be done to fix these problems with our young brothers in our schools and in our communities? We must find a way to re-establish then cultivate TRUST between young and older black men. Give me some time to brainstorm more.
What were your sources of motivation to succeed? 9/10's of my motivation was due to positive encouragement from family, friends, educators, etc... The other 1/10 remains, and continues to be, the haters. Keeps things in perspective.
What can be done to fix these problems with our young brothers in our schools and in our communities? We must find a way to re-establish then cultivate TRUST between young and older black men. Give me some time to brainstorm more.
J. Beverly, Douglasville, GA
Who were your role models growing up?
While there are qualities I admire, I don’t believe in role models. What were your sources of motivation to succeed?As a child, I spent a lot of time in the hospital and needed to learn how to walk several times, so I had to find a way to channel that frustration and focus it toward a goal. That goal was solidified educationally when a teacher told me to act my age, not my color. Knowing my legacy, I decided to act my color and not my age.
Like Vaughn, I was pulled out of the mainstream education system at an early age. (V and I were doing taxes in 6th grade and debating capital gains taxes and Dukakis v Bush in 7th.) Our educators told us we were going to be college graduates before telling us explaining what a college was, so they set the standard high and challenged us to knock it down.
What can be done to fix these problems with our young brothers in our schools and in our communities?
1. We need to acknowledge that while we want the best for every child, not every child is going to cut it educationally…and tell it to them sooner.
2. Start ensuring that children are acclimated to reality. The plurality of children that want to be an NBA player, NFL, player, or lawyer. (REALITY: There are approximately 800 people playing in the NBA and 1,800 people playing in the NFL, which is less than 0.00001% of the American population. Additionally, approximately about 92 percent of ALL lawyers are non-minorities. I’m not saying a child’s dream should be killed outright, but their parents should help the child to invest in viable backup career options.)
3. While I’m on that point, expose our children to more math, science and foreign cultures.
4. Our communities need to acknowledge that while teachers present information daily, parents need to supplement that knowledge. Acknowledge simply sending children to school will NOT make them smarter by osmosis and getting a passing grade is not succeeding. Also, children have to have a supportive educational atmosphere at home.
5. Recognize that if you’re a single parent, belittling the other parent allows YOU to vent your frustration, but it does nothing to develop THE CHILD. (When the SBFP says to a child, “your daddy ain't s---, you ain't got s--t, so you ain’t never gonna be s--t, it does more to stunt the psychological well being of the child than failing any educational class.)
6. Teach children to think long term and beyond the immediacy of feeling good at the moment. (The bling kids see on TV looks good, but how many people with on camera bling actually own it, vs. renting it? Getting “love in the club” feels great at the moment, but the aftermath can last long after that night, after the club shuts down and the effects may well be permanent.)
7. Realize that the problem with the education system is not financial. (You could double, triple, raise the outlays tenfold and many problems would still exist.)
8. Teach children to think, to be able to manipulate information, and not regurgitate information for the sole purpose of taking a test. (A child can have an amazing capacity to remember information verbatim, which helps for recitation, but that memory is of no use if the child cannot reinterpret information if it’s presented in a different manner.)
I have a laundry list, but I’ll stop here.
While there are qualities I admire, I don’t believe in role models. What were your sources of motivation to succeed?As a child, I spent a lot of time in the hospital and needed to learn how to walk several times, so I had to find a way to channel that frustration and focus it toward a goal. That goal was solidified educationally when a teacher told me to act my age, not my color. Knowing my legacy, I decided to act my color and not my age.
Like Vaughn, I was pulled out of the mainstream education system at an early age. (V and I were doing taxes in 6th grade and debating capital gains taxes and Dukakis v Bush in 7th.) Our educators told us we were going to be college graduates before telling us explaining what a college was, so they set the standard high and challenged us to knock it down.
What can be done to fix these problems with our young brothers in our schools and in our communities?
1. We need to acknowledge that while we want the best for every child, not every child is going to cut it educationally…and tell it to them sooner.
2. Start ensuring that children are acclimated to reality. The plurality of children that want to be an NBA player, NFL, player, or lawyer. (REALITY: There are approximately 800 people playing in the NBA and 1,800 people playing in the NFL, which is less than 0.00001% of the American population. Additionally, approximately about 92 percent of ALL lawyers are non-minorities. I’m not saying a child’s dream should be killed outright, but their parents should help the child to invest in viable backup career options.)
3. While I’m on that point, expose our children to more math, science and foreign cultures.
4. Our communities need to acknowledge that while teachers present information daily, parents need to supplement that knowledge. Acknowledge simply sending children to school will NOT make them smarter by osmosis and getting a passing grade is not succeeding. Also, children have to have a supportive educational atmosphere at home.
5. Recognize that if you’re a single parent, belittling the other parent allows YOU to vent your frustration, but it does nothing to develop THE CHILD. (When the SBFP says to a child, “your daddy ain't s---, you ain't got s--t, so you ain’t never gonna be s--t, it does more to stunt the psychological well being of the child than failing any educational class.)
6. Teach children to think long term and beyond the immediacy of feeling good at the moment. (The bling kids see on TV looks good, but how many people with on camera bling actually own it, vs. renting it? Getting “love in the club” feels great at the moment, but the aftermath can last long after that night, after the club shuts down and the effects may well be permanent.)
7. Realize that the problem with the education system is not financial. (You could double, triple, raise the outlays tenfold and many problems would still exist.)
8. Teach children to think, to be able to manipulate information, and not regurgitate information for the sole purpose of taking a test. (A child can have an amazing capacity to remember information verbatim, which helps for recitation, but that memory is of no use if the child cannot reinterpret information if it’s presented in a different manner.)
I have a laundry list, but I’ll stop here.
L. Houston, Washington, DC
Sorry I'm late to the dance...
Who were your role models growing up?I had a handful of assigned mentors growing up, but I don't remember a whole lot that I learned from any of them. I realize today that my mother was probably one of my biggest role models growing up and I find myself sounding more like her every day. And the frat (when I was a member of the Sigma Beta Club) was role models as well.
What were your sources of motivation to succeed?Motivation? Hardly. Success was mandatory in my house. It wasn't an option. I wasn't a C student and my mother wasn't going to accept anything LESS than a B. I was frequently told I wasn't average, and I lived up to it. Still do.
What can be done to fix these problems with our young brothers in our schools and in our communities?Nothing. No amount of money or legislation can get people to care about their futures. It's going to take young brothers wanting better for themselves and it's going to take parents--while they still have control--DEMANDING (not asking) the best from their boys.
Who were your role models growing up?I had a handful of assigned mentors growing up, but I don't remember a whole lot that I learned from any of them. I realize today that my mother was probably one of my biggest role models growing up and I find myself sounding more like her every day. And the frat (when I was a member of the Sigma Beta Club) was role models as well.
What were your sources of motivation to succeed?Motivation? Hardly. Success was mandatory in my house. It wasn't an option. I wasn't a C student and my mother wasn't going to accept anything LESS than a B. I was frequently told I wasn't average, and I lived up to it. Still do.
What can be done to fix these problems with our young brothers in our schools and in our communities?Nothing. No amount of money or legislation can get people to care about their futures. It's going to take young brothers wanting better for themselves and it's going to take parents--while they still have control--DEMANDING (not asking) the best from their boys.
A. Springer, Las Vegas, NV
My role models were my father and brothers. My father didn't finish high school as a youth. Later in life he was employed as a school bus driver and decided to stay at the school and earn his high school diploma! He had a thirst for knowledge and would read the newspaper from front page to back every day! He could converse on almost any subject. He instilled the desire to learn upon his children. I had four older brothers who all graduated Valedictorians and Salutatorians (sp). All of them went on college on scholarship and earned high marks in technical degrees! During that era the teachers and the community would get behind you and try to push you to success!
Today it seems the tide has shifted. With the success and exposure of entertainers and sports figures many of our young men feel that bookwork is not necessary to succeed. But even that, be it a deterrent as it may, is not the root of the problem in my opinion. The problem begins in the home. Many parents today do not get involved in their children education! Parents will buy their kids every "babysitter game" on the market, but will not invest time in helping with homework or pushing them to do better. And some of them that have a desire to help cannot fathom the new teaching methods of today's system. The days of multiplication tables and word/spelling memorization are gone!! Now it's touch point math and "spell it how u think it sounds". Still, education needs to start in the home, with the school system being an extension of that educational process.
Well, that's my two cent!! Take it or leave it!! Thx for the blog....
A. Hamilton, Sr., Lake Charles, LA
Let's see, I'm going to give this a shot.
My role models growing up were my parents first and foremost. But my family in general was influential in my life. My dad and all seven of his brothers joined the military because my grandfather felt that joining the military was a way to get a step ahead in life. There was never this "I don't want my baby to leave me" type of sentiment. Most of them went to Vietnam, were parachuter, they all lived through the experience, and went to college. It started with my grandfather.
My mom was in a family of 4 girls. One unfortunately got murder, but my mom and the two other girls all went to college, graduated, and pursued careers. On that side, my grandmother was, and still is the matriarch.
So it was a foregone conclusion that college was in my (and my brothers) future. But my parents encouraged ANY kind of education. For example, if you are a plumber, go be a certified plumber. If you are a mechanic, go be a certified/licensed mechanic. If you are a musician/actor, get formally trained. I'm sure you get the picture. So there for my role models/motivation.
Now, I work in education also. And I find myself telling kids the same things I mentioned above. 1. It's okay to leave home or stay home, just keep going on your life journey. 2. Go get SOME type of post high school education and 3. Take your time and live life.
The parents however are different. They don't want their babies growing up, leaving home, or doing anything that threatens their relationship with their "babies." Particularly black single moms and their boys. It's the only male in the house, so these boys play the role of sig. other and the ladies don't want them to be anything else. College, jobs, growing up, moving out, relationships, and anything else that is a life progression prevents that boy from growing into a man. This isn’t a catch all of course, but that shoe fits a lot of people. Some ladies are motivated and want better for their kids; some want their babies to stay babies.
So the issues: lack of role models, lack of direction and focus, lack of inspiration, lack of emphasis on education, single parent homes (where are these dads?), and uneducated parent. It’s a vicious cycle. It's not everything I was thinking, but it's long enough.
My role models growing up were my parents first and foremost. But my family in general was influential in my life. My dad and all seven of his brothers joined the military because my grandfather felt that joining the military was a way to get a step ahead in life. There was never this "I don't want my baby to leave me" type of sentiment. Most of them went to Vietnam, were parachuter, they all lived through the experience, and went to college. It started with my grandfather.
My mom was in a family of 4 girls. One unfortunately got murder, but my mom and the two other girls all went to college, graduated, and pursued careers. On that side, my grandmother was, and still is the matriarch.
So it was a foregone conclusion that college was in my (and my brothers) future. But my parents encouraged ANY kind of education. For example, if you are a plumber, go be a certified plumber. If you are a mechanic, go be a certified/licensed mechanic. If you are a musician/actor, get formally trained. I'm sure you get the picture. So there for my role models/motivation.
Now, I work in education also. And I find myself telling kids the same things I mentioned above. 1. It's okay to leave home or stay home, just keep going on your life journey. 2. Go get SOME type of post high school education and 3. Take your time and live life.
The parents however are different. They don't want their babies growing up, leaving home, or doing anything that threatens their relationship with their "babies." Particularly black single moms and their boys. It's the only male in the house, so these boys play the role of sig. other and the ladies don't want them to be anything else. College, jobs, growing up, moving out, relationships, and anything else that is a life progression prevents that boy from growing into a man. This isn’t a catch all of course, but that shoe fits a lot of people. Some ladies are motivated and want better for their kids; some want their babies to stay babies.
So the issues: lack of role models, lack of direction and focus, lack of inspiration, lack of emphasis on education, single parent homes (where are these dads?), and uneducated parent. It’s a vicious cycle. It's not everything I was thinking, but it's long enough.
T. Joseph, Independence, LA (Currently serving overseas in Iraq)
*A heartfelt thanks to those friends who responded to my request. Kudos to you and keep doing what you're doing*
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