Where is the Village? Accountability and Tough Love...The Missing Links!

A community is like a ship; everyone ought to be prepared to take the helm. ~ Henrik Ibsen

So far, since I started advocating for the need of a village in my blog, the blame game in education reform has intensified and has become counterproductive. The focus is on everything and everyone, but the most important piece -- the students. Many may say "this is for the children" or "this is about the children", but is it? In addressing the academic needs of the child requires a more holistic approach. Some folks are beginning to understand the significance of meeting the needs of the whole child, while others are more concern in achieving their personal bottom line at the expense of the children. The point is, the needs of the whole child must be met first and foremost. Every part of village has its role in doing their part, along with working together.

In the Students segment of my village blog entries, I implored the need for students to have a limited role in village collaboration, due to my general philosophy about people: one will do what is allowed. Because students are very observant and love to model adult behavior, it is beyond crucial that the adults in the village work together more. Unfortunately, that's not the case today; consequently, this send misleading and very disturbing messages to our kids. In addition, the lack of our labor bore a bad fruit that is not addressed enough in education reform conversations...student apathy. How is it that this generation of kids have access to more information than previous generations yet they are performing poorer in schools? How is it that this generation of kids have more rights and live in a more diverse setting than previous generation yet they have become more defiant and careless? Where did our children learn this from? Is it fair to blame the schools alone for this? No! This is a village problem and the solution will require a collegial effort from the village.  From one of my earlier blog entries, Dr. Trotter from MACE said it best: A student will not learn unless that student is MOTIVATE TO LEARN. The motivation to learn is a cultural phenomenon or a social process...Without the proper motivation to learn, no student will learn, regardless who is teaching.

In my opinion, as society became more complex, the village lost sight of the basics: Seeking the best interest of the community and holding everyone accountable. Now, it is about "me" -- what I want...what I need...what is good for me... what feels good to me. This individualized, self-centered mentality has torn the village apart, sparked heated dissent within the village, and hurt our children in the process. Even with raising and educating our children, there are grave dissensions within the village on how they should be done. As a result, our kids have become apathetic in everything that doesn't appease them. If it is not entertaining to them, they don't want to be bothered. If it is not relevant or beneficial to them personally, they don't want to hear it. If they have to work for it, they rather not do it and suffer the consequences. This is reflected in today's schools. You have parents who are either too busy or selfish to care for their children or enable their children to get whatever they want and whenever they want. You have teachers, school administrators, and LEAs spineless in doing the right thing for our children to avoid bad publicity and frivolous lawsuits. You have communities leaders, churches, and politicians who do more talking than walking, unless they benefit from it. You have the media outlets sending mixed messages and negative sensualizations to make a buck. You have government entities cutting funds in education and other important social services, while demanding and promising for improvements in these areas. You have business leaders who are too focus on making a profit instead of investing in the right things. You have social services and laws that foster separation than togetherness within the family and the community. And you wonder why students don't care? Nonetheless, this "don't tell me nothing" and "I don't care about" attitudes have festered far too long in our schools and communities. If we as a village really care and want to save our future, this must change!

In today's schools, our students are coming in with baggage of problems. They are not receiving the needed support and assistance. Yet, thanks to school accountability measures and the public perception of the role of schools, teachers, administrators, and LEAs ALONE are expected to be "the magic pill" in providing what's lacking. When the schools fall short, the public blame them for all the problems. Again, this is a village issue! The problems won't go away; hence, the students will be off task and struggling in their studies as a result. Until there is cohesion within the village, the madness will continue, our children will suffer, and the future will become bleaker and more frightening.

In addition to various problems, today's students have this unorthodox sense of entitlement and overconfidence. This generation has fully embraced the Burger King motto: Have it your way! Besides carelessness from others and the burden of problems, student apathy is rooted in embracing this privileged attitude. If the truth is to be told, the village, especially the parents and the schools, are guilty as charged for this due to lack of personal accountability. We protect them, enable them, and praise them for the littlest things without allowing them to fall or suffer the consequences for their actions or mistakes. Why should our kids work hard, strive for better things, care for others, do the right thing, grow up, and earn their keep when they always will have a way out of trouble and struggles, thanks to enabling parents and fearful educators? How will they be able to deal with the real world if they are not allowed to stumble and fall from time to time growing up? How can we expect our kids to be hard workers when we praise them for minute effort? Below are two video clips on the power and detrimental affect of praise:



(In this video below, notice the difference between the American parent and the Asian parent when addressing their children)



While I am not a TV person, with the exception of the news and documentaries, I do tend to, from time to time, watch some popular sitcoms or programs. One of those programs is The Wendy Williams Show. In one of her segments earlier this year, one of her guests was NeNe Leakes, from the #1 reality TV show, The Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHOA). A successful author and perhaps the most popular personality on the show, NeNe shared a personal family matter with Wendy Williams concerning the recent arrest of her son, Bryson (or Brice). A spoiled lazy brat who dropped out of college to become a club promoter, Bryson was arrested for possession of marijuana while visiting another friend in jail. See the video clip for yourself; I can't make this up:



I guess money can't buy common sense and self-respect.

My sister and several friends are RHOA fans; they all have been trying to get me into the show, which I am not. However, I saw the most recent episode of RHOA earlier this week. Perhaps the most talked about portion of this episode was NeNe finally putting her foot down and kicking her now-adult son out of her house. According to some die-hard RHOA fans, this was long overdue. In addition, NeNe talked candidly about the situation in her blog:

Watching me and my son just brought me to tears! I want you all to know, that I'm no different from you as a parent. I'm going through what many parents are facing today with their teenagers and young adults. As I type this blog my heart breaks and the tears won't stop flowing when I speak of my child. The love I have for my children is everlasting. You never want to see your child struggle or take the wrong path in life. I know as a young adult you make mistakes, and as a parent you want to be able to catch them when they fall, but sometimes, "The fall is better than the catch." This is where "tough love" enters the picture! When Brice was younger, I tried to give him everything and now looking back that probably wasn't the best thing, because he never had to work or earn anything. I was trying to make up for being a single parent and fill the void of an absent father. As a single mother, I did what I thought was best. I'm hopeful that one day Brice will thank me for the "tough love," because I want nothing more than to see him become a happy, healthy, successful man! Keep us in your prayers. Thank you all so much for your support! 

While my heart goes out to her and believe she did the right thing, this could have been avoided a long time ago if NeNe would have made Brice accountable for his actions when he was younger. Unfortunately, regardless of socioeconomic status, many of our children will become irresponsible, crippled adults because parents and educators fail to demand personal accountability from them.

In closing, I would like to share some quotes about parenting and showing some tough love, which are applicable to any adult in the village. The madness will worsen until we work with and learn from one another. Enjoy...

The thing that impresses me most about Americans is the way parents obey their children.
Edward, Duke of Windsor

There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings.
Hodding Carter, Jr.

 

Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it.
Dr. Haim Ginott

Parents wonder why the streams are bitter, when they themselves have poisoned the fountain.
John Locke

Where parents do too much for their children, the children will not do much for themselves.
Elbert Hubbard

Parents who are afraid to put their foot down usually have children who step on their toes.
Chinese Proverb

An infallible way to make your child miserable is to satisfy all his demands. Henry Home

Some parents could do more for their children by not doing so much for them.
Author Unknown

Parents who are always giving their children nothing but the best usually wind up with nothing but the worst.
Author Unknown